argh!!! i really can't stand it anymore!!! it's just bloody unfair okay!!! my parents go out every weekend... and they leave us at home for hours on end (i actually prefer it without them around...) and my mother expects to see the laundry kept, folded and kept back into the cupboards when she comes back... and every time.. my two perfectly normal sisters who are not paralysed from neck down or missing a limb just hide in their room and shut the door without even helping at all... they never ever keep the clothes (okay.. except putty did it today) and they never ever fold and keep the clothes... and it's just bloody unfair because every time i have to do it... why? because if my mum comes home and the laundry are not kept and folded.. she scolds me... yes.. just because I'm the eldest.. I'm supposed to be a good example and blah blah blah... wth!!! what's the point of being a good example if my sisters never ever follow my example.. hmph! they are probably thinking in their heads that there's always this idiot doing it for them so they don't have to ever lift a finger to help... argh!!! and my mum.. is so argh!!! stupid!!! she always uses things you love as a threat against you... like she threatens to stop piano lessons... and she has been using that threat since i was like.. primary 6.... and i remember sparkie.. my pet parrot... she said if i don't get into cchms.. she'll throw him away.. wth!!! he's my pet!!! how could you? but you still did release him in the end didn't you? when i was sec 2.. i came home and my sisters just blabbered to me that sparkie is gone... i asked why and they said that he escaped out of his cage when we were at school... i always suspected that you freed him... how could you? he's my baby... i loved him so and you just destroyed whatever happiness i had okay? I'm a loner in class... and he was my only friend... sec 3 and 4 was like torture... i never did have any close friends in class... i only had jpnyz... and monday was my favourite day because we could have lunch together... how pathetic huh? yeah yeah.. you might as well stop my piano lessons now and throw my violin away too... you simply love taking away things i love huh? you see it as a sigh of weakness huh? sometimes i wish i didn't have any feelings.. so at least i won't have any weakness for you to grab hold of and threaten me with... yeah... don't you ever feel that it's sad? we hardly talk... the only things i tell you is whether I'm coming home for dinner... and the the only thing i tell my own dad is 'daddy' when he comes home from work? where is the closeness? maybe it's better this way.. we won't get in each other's way.. less conflict huh? is that what you all what? less conflict? to the point that i don't feel any closeness to you all? well.. come to think of it... I'll probably be working in about 5-6 years.. so I'll be independent.... and we shall just drift apart.. don't worry... I'll pay you all back every cent... okay... I'll pay you back all the money for my piano lessons.. all the money for my living expenses... all the school fees you spent... okay.. whatever you gave me.. I'll return you... okay.. I'm your daughter.. but stop treating me like someone who should grovel at your feet thanking you for the food, shelter, and education... I'm really tired if it... okay... I'll just pay you all back someday... but not now.. I'm not able to do so yet... so thank you very very much for everything you gave me... so just bear with me for 5-6 more years and I'll move out like you always wanted me to... I'll move out okay? you don't have to wash my clothes anymore.. you don't have to cook for me anymore.. you don't have to listen to me playing the piano anymore... okay? just bear with it okay? I'm also trying to bear with it... and I'm as excited as you to move out.. okay? so just quit nagging.... I'm really really sick and tired of this.. doesn't your mouth feel tired nagging the same thing all the time? my ears are aching.. so just leave it and give me a break....

Labels: sick and tired of everything